January | 2015 | lovethisface

What a way to start off the New Year, we had all four girls at our house for New Year’s Eve to play games and just have a good time.

Wait a minute, some of you reading this are probably confused because I have never mentioned having children, so before I go any further into this post let me give you the short version of what all went down last year, well the big stuff anyway.

Dave caught the event on camera and video

February 2014 – I got engaged! David proposed to me! If you read my last post you already know a little bit about him. 😉

September 2014 – September 13th to be exact, we got married! In the realm of 125 of our closest family and friends we said I do in a beautiful church. With the unity of Dave and I, I gained four daughters! 🙂 We also became home owners!

September 13, 2014

November 2014 – Our 12-year-old daughter moved in with us and I’m learning so much from having her here, like how to do sixth grade math again! Haha!

Okay so now that you’re all caught up, let’s get back to it shall we? 😉

Another reason it’s been a great start to the year is because I got “White Bees” in the mail.

With this book comes a story (of course)…

My mom likes to look on Amazon and eBay for cleft related books, not text books, just enjoyable reading books. She’s found a lot more than I realized existed. We each have a couple of children’s books. One book in particular she sent me an e-mail (July 2014) telling me there was a book she thought I would like, entitled “White Bees” by Amy Jo Wilde. I read the synopsis and replied, “I will be buying this soon. Thanks mom :)”. The synopsis (before I go any further): A memoir written by Amy detailing her many surgeries she had to endure as a result of being born with a bilateral cleft-lip and palate. One of her main surgeries happens in high school. It takes you through her trials and triumphs.

July came and went as I was finishing up wedding plans for the wedding so I didn’t buy it right away. Instead my Aunt (my mom’s sister) bought it, read it, and loved it. My aunt then mailed me the book in August/September timeframe. She said I could keep the book :). I set the book aside and worked on wedding details. Then after the wedding came moving and everything that goes along with it.

Finally in mid-December I picked up “White Bees” and within a weekend I was finished with it. I could not put it down! It was such an amazing book and I’m not just saying that because I too have a cleft, it was a beautifully written story. Now I will say because I have a cleft I felt like I could relate with Amy so so much. I felt her pain and her happiness. I laughed, cried, and got mad as she did.

After reading the book, I had to view Amy’s website, I was chomping at the bit to know if she had written anymore books! I found out that while she didn’t have another book, she does have a blog! I saw that you could request a signed copy of “White Bees” from Amy herself. I wrote in hopes that it was truly Amy that was going to read my message. A couple of days went by and Amy Jo Wilde herself e-mailed me back! Let me just tell you I was so excited and honored. I was over the moon when I read what she had written “…Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. Your blog is wonderful, and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!” Talk about a compliment! She wrote more and then gave the link to where I could purchase the book and get a signed copy.

I let my mom borrow my non-signed copy and I hope she’s almost done reading it so I can discuss the book with her! Hint hint mom, because I know you’re reading this! 😉 Meanwhile, I waited for my book and on New Year’s Day, what should I find in the mail (it must have been in there a day or two, we don’t check the mailbox daily, whoops) but my SIGNED copy of “White Bees”! To say I was ecstatic is an understatement and to know that Amy mentioned me being a “new friend” was so sweet. I definitely have found a friend and role model in her. I know so many cleft kiddos or 20 something clefties that I just adore but it was so encouraging to me to see how positive Amy is and how encouraging she is to so many people. She’s a motivational speaker too! How many of you know I said that’s what I’d really love to be?! It is all just so awe-inspiring. I just had to share this experience with you all!

I highly recommend this book, especially for clefties, cleft parents, and those who know a cleftie but I would recommend to anyone wanting a good book, moreover anyone wanting to really get the vibe of what we deal with when it comes to surgeries, dating, and daily life. https://www.amyjowilde.com

Thanks mom and Aunt Angie for being wonderful women to look up to and for suggesting and buying the book for me to read. Thank you Amy for writing your memoir for everyone to read.

Love you all ~ Becca

When I think of love and acceptance, regarding love I think of John Legend
singing “… ‘Cause all of me loves all of you. Love your curves and all your
edges, all your perfect imperfections.” Since I can remember I have dreamed of
finding my “Prince Charming” and living happily ever after. As I got older,
like most teen girls, I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted someone who liked me
for more than a friend. As my high school days went on with not one
boyfriend I became discouraged thinking there was something wrong with me.
Being female with a cleft I thought for sure it was my speech, my teeth, or
perhaps even my minimal scar.

I started college in August 2005 and began dating, the guys I had
relationships with or went on more than a few dates, for the most part liked
me and didn’t seem to care about my cleft. After finishing up my Bachelor’s
in May 2009 I moved to Oklahoma City to continue working on a job I had been
offered in March 2009. Where I was working it was hard to meet new people
and those friends I had made didn’t have any eligible bachelors to set me up with. I began to
get discouraged. I decided to give online dating a go. Most guys were very
clear that they only wanted one thing or we went on one date and either I
was thinking I didn’t want a second date or they were. This continued for
quite some time until I met my ex. My ex claimed to love my cleft but hated
the noise I made because of it and always tormented me for it. I hated it and the way it made me feel. I realized
the error of my ways and kicked him to the curb and yes there were many more
reasons he was not “the one”. I tried online dating again with no luck. I
finally took pretty much everyone’s advice and just stopped looking. Shortly
after the revelation of stopping the crazy search, Dave came into the
picture.

Dave was someone I had known for a few years but didn’t really
“know”, I knew him from when we used to work together but once he changed
jobs I didn’t ever see or talk to him. So in 2013 (at 26 years old) when he
came into a karaoke bar I was shocked because I knew he had been married. I
found out though that he had gotten a divorce. Anyway, things
took its course and Dave asked me out and the rest is history.
Dave is such an amazing man and I really don’t know what I did to
deserve him. He has so many wonderful qualities. One thing that makes my
heart melt is that he loves me for ME, he loves my cleft scar, my cleft
stories, meeting my cleft friends. He doesn’t care about my one missing
tooth (I have a partial but I don’t always wear it depending on what I eat)
and my noise is not a nuisance to him. I love that he loves every aspect of
what makes me Rebecca and I love Dave for exactly who he is no ifs, ands or
buts about it.

I know you might read this and think that will never happen to you,
you will never find an amazing better half to spend the rest of your life
with, but as I have been told and now know, it will happen. Someone is going
to love your cleft, laugh, smile, worriedness, and chick-fil-a tea lovin’
self.

That being said, before I could let someone else love me fully, I
had to first love myself. I love my cleft and I can manage to cover my scar
if it bothers me too much or not smile in a picture with my mouth open if I
don’t want to show the gap but regardless of my imperfections I love me even when I
criticize myself and that shows through and it showed through to Dave as
well.
If you get one thing from this post, love yourself so you can allow someone to love you. Someone will think you
have perfect imperfections just like John Legend sings about. 😉

lovethisface

A cleft kid – Loving life and all of its possibilities

Archive | January 2015

A Great Start

Loving All the Imperfections